There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.
- Bryant H McGill
From childhood it's ingrained in our nature to forgive. At home and in the school yard, children are quick to offend and nearly as quick to get over it. As we age, affronts deepen as do our feelings of hurt and harm. Scripture reveals an added dimension of spiritual temptation and resistance often adding insult to injury.
Small slights and serious antagonisms can quickly spiral downward and out of control unless one becomes practiced in the art of forgiveness.
René Descartes famously stated Cogito ergo sum "I think, therefore I am." Others have noted the further refinement "I think about my thinking, therefore I am." Wisdom would add our feelings to that list.
The following are a number of launching points from which those interested in offering the gift of forgiveness to others and themselves might take a closer look at the nature of more challenging social interactions.
This particularly list is offered in hopes of not only identifying true from simply perceived wrongs, but also dissecting the offensive action and subsequent reaction.
While people are often victimized by others, at other times we are victimized by our own foolish thoughts and words, attitudes and actions. The trick is to learn to be discerning in our own thoughts and attitudes, words and behavior and those of others.
Forgiveness Check List
- Is the offense real or imaginary?
- To what degree, if any, is this problem of my own making?
- Are attitude(s), actions(s) or inaction(s) of mine meriting this response?
- Are attitude(s), actions(s) or inaction(s) of mine meriting a better response?
- Is this situation a result of a poor choice on my part in choosing to be in an unwise relationship with this person or persons?
- To what degree is this an unfortunate response by another in return for the good I have and continue doing?
- From where does this negative originate?
- How bad is the behavior in question?
- Are there apologies and/or restitution owed the victimizer? If so by whom?
- To what degree might the behavior affect the perpetrator(s), others or myself?
- What are some of the projected negative outcomes as a result of this behavior?
- To what degree is this deception commonplace and therefore understandable under Scripture’s definition of “the wisdom from below”?
- To what degree have I or others spoken the truth and love to the instigator(s)?
- Is resolution of this behavior likely to be a quick or a lengthy process?
- In what ways does this behavior impact and/or threaten others in my immediate circle of influence?
- What allies might I enlist in helping the perpetrator(s) realize the error of their ways?
- Which scripture see most relevant to this situation for the individuals involved?
- How likely is it that I have, am or would act similarly?
- How much effort (time, energy…) am I prepared to spend on behalf of the individuals involved?
- What collateral damages are created by this behavior?
- What assistance might I provide to others negatively impacted by this behavior?
- What creative and constructive thinking and planning might be advantageous?
- Does this situation warrant being added to my strategic daily prayer list? If so, to what detail?
- Is the degree of spiritual truth and light offered this individual equal to or greater than the darkness and deception of this situation?
- What personal sacrifice may be necessary to see this scenario brought to a satisfactory conclusion?
- Might the primary or secondary objective of this deception be to divert myself or others from the mission of promoting God’s kingdom? If so what steps should be taken to counteract this?
- What mental or emotional, social or spiritual demands made this situation place on me?
- What self-care response maybe necessary to promote continued healthy attitudes and actions on my part?
- To what point am my prepared to “remember” on behalf of this unfortunate individual struggling for mastery over temptation and sin?
- What lessons might be learned from this situation?
- To what degree am I willing to learn these lessons in hopes of not having to repeat similar training?
- What are the broader ramifications of successfully resolving this issue in regards to family and friends, church and influencing a generation?
- Would my response to this situation qualify as “completing whatever remains of Christ's sufferings” described by the Apostle Paul in Colossians 1:24?
- What costs may there be should I fail to respond appropriately to this issue in either time or eternity?
- What rewards may there be should I succeed in responding appropriately to this issue in either time or eternity?
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